Go Away.

Seriously. Don’t Buy This Stuff.

So… you made it here. That’s unfortunate.

Maybe you clicked an ad ironically. Maybe your curiosity finally caved under the weight of your own nihilism. Maybe you just wanted to feel something. Whatever the reason—welcome to DON’T BUY THIS STUFF, where capitalism meets self-awareness and both lose.

Let’s be honest. You’re not here for quality. You’re here because something on this site screamed, “Yes, this is dumb, and yes, I need it.” A shirt that says OH NO. A tote bag that roasts your financial decisions. A mug that lets your coworkers know you’ve fully given up.

That’s us. We take the slow, spiraling absurdity of modern existence and slap it on stuff. You buy that stuff. Because that’s how this machine works. You know it’s a bad idea—we know it’s a bad idea—and yet here we are. United in the sacred ritual of regret.

But hey, no judgment. Scroll. Add to cart. Pretend you’re better than this. Or don’t. We’ll keep printing emotionally vacant text on things and you’ll keep pretending it was a joke gift for someone else.

We’re not proud of this. But we’re not ashamed either.

Anyway, enjoy the store. Or don’t.

We already cashed the ad revenue.

— DON’T BUY THIS STUFF
(Because nothing matters, but some things ship free.)